One year ago

I pressed the pillow, wet with tears, over my head as I tried to muffle the sounds of new life entering the world.

I prayed and prayed that I would get to hear Tessa do the same.

I am ever thankful for this day.

This life.

My God, who loves her even more than I do.

Happy First Birthday, our Tessa girl.

Time flies...

when life is fun.

I recently came across a blog where they did an iphoto dump day, so I copied;-)

From baseballto feeding cows to face masks (a joke picture I sent to my dad about germs and Tessa flying in an airplane for the first time)....it has been a great Spring!

Clearly, everyone loves Kayden.

Mother's Day at preschool.

his favorite thing-talked about it for a week!

can.sleep.anywhere.

Grandma and the girls.

Smells like roses

A while back, I wrote a post on the Soundtrack of My Life, and how certain songs can instantly take me back.

Following is Part Two.

Josh often teases me because I have a very strong sense of smell. Even the slightest off-putting odor will drive me crazy. Cigar smoke, onions, rubber burning, and musky floral perfume top my list of most annoying.

Originally Titled, Smells of My Life....a particular smell can instantly transport me to a certain event, albeit fond or insignificant.

In no particular order:

Sawdust. My dad spent much of his free time assembling model airplanes during my youth. Replaced lately by playing XBOX with his 'over 50' friends, his days of cutting plywood and molding it into shape have long passed. I rarely smell this anymore; but if I do, I fondly remember watching TV in my basement and the deep sense of security that came in knowing my dad was right around the corner.

Window Clings. Freshly peeled off the sheet, I can vividly recall the strange smell of window clings. You know the kind that you peel off and place on your windows to depict a certain holiday theme? My mom rotates clings through the holidays, and I am sure it is much of the reason I love seasonal decorating. Every holiday was celebrated and made exciting. I can't wait to pull down the Halloween box and put brightly colored window clings on our back slider. I am pretty sure they are thought of as the "poor man's decoration", but just the sight of them as I pass by a window makes me happy.

Exclamation perfume. Conjures up middle school insecurities. Longing for true friends, self confidence, identity, and (as my mom would tease) a little color in my wardrobe. Naively, I thought that if I wore black from head to toe it would make me less noticeable.

My wedding chest. The first Christmas Josh and I were dating, a good friend of ours sent me a huge trunk. Lined with beautiful vintage paper, the silver antique finish became the perfect spot for storing the thick letters passed through the mail during our year-long long distance courtship. She had tucked pink rose potpourri inside before I started loading it with memories. Anytime I open that box, I immediately recall anxiously awaiting a letter in the mail, sitting on the ground next to my parents computer and waiting for the dial up to load the newest e-mail. The Santa Monica Pier, where we took our first official picture together, the stickers Josh sent me from a photo booth at the mall, and the Anne Geddes cardboard decorative box full of Hershey's kisses when I had a rough week.

Wet paper towels in a public restroom. Not any old paper towel, but the brown kind that are no longer used (probably aren't environmentally friendly:-) When I was 5 years old, I really wanted to be a Freedom High School cheerleader. That is a legitimate job, right? I longed to grab the ginormous Burgundy and white pom poms and prance next to the older girls in their twirly skirts and matching sweaters. Often, if I made myself known on the sideline, an invitation would follow to briefly cheer next to them. During halftime, all cheerleaders (and said pom poms) would congregate in the locker room to add more makeup and gossip about boys. A mix of must, sweat, and mostly wet brown paper towels, that locker room represented my childhood dream and looking up to the older girls.

There is a certain detangler that I have used for the past few years. Much cheaper than the "It's a 10" leave in conditioner they always try to sell me at the salon. I gravitated because it actually worked, and costed far less money. Last summer in the hospital, the one and only time I would stand up during the day was to take a 10 minute shower. My hair was always in knots because I was forever laying on it. It also took a long time to dry, so the smell of that detangler was always on my pillow. As I use it daily, it reminds me of hospital bedrest, fear, angst, and ultimately the answer we had been praying for.

So many more come to mind- the smell of soap in the NICU, vanilla candles burning in our house in Redlands, gasoline over water and spending summers at the cottage on Hess Lake.

How about you? Am I the only one that has this strange connection with smells? What are your triggers?

Happy, Mother's Day.

Happy Mother's Day.

It was a happy day, indeed.

With deep gratitude for the miracle performed and ALL of God's faithfulness to our family, we baptized Tessa on May 13th. Surrounded by friends and family, it ranked up there as one of my favorite days.

Not sure anything could top the day she was born, but this came close;-)

Thanks to all who celebrated with us!

My list of lost items changes over time.

Like the time I lost my wallet. It became priority one. I searched high and low for a week, until it was found in a bag of onesies.

Other things go missing, but are discovered quickly thereafter. Usually within a day or two, said item shows up tucked in a corner or was set on a shelf before forgotten about.

There are three items that I am looking for lately, and I still cannot find them. Either Bryce has taken off with them, or I stashed them "in a safe place" so that Bryce wouldn't take off with them.

In no particular order:

My Silpada ring.
Thankfully, it holds no sentimental value. But: 1.) I like it and
2.) it has since been retired and can no longer be purchased.

This Lamaze Bug.
Both of my boys adored it. He traveled thousands and thousands of miles with Kayden and I, as we came to Michigan for visits. Bryce loved on it for hours at a time. I always called it the "crack" bug because my kids were enamored by it. 
About six months before we got pregnant, I went through and purged all baby toys. I distinctly remember separating this one, just in case.

My Debit Card
This one should bug me more than it does. I know the exact date it went missing. I know who took it. I just keep hoping it shows up. At some point, I am going to have to go to the bank and get one reissued....but it is so much more fun to bother Josh for his card :-) Reminds him how irresponsible I am, right?

As I pass a bag that hasn't been used in a while, I tear through the pockets. Bottoms of closets have been unloaded. Drawers, nooks, crannies, under the seat in both cars, tubs of old clothing, behind dressers, under the train table, behind the playhouse (where 90% of lost items are found).....so many areas of our house, long since untouched, have been searched.

Nada.

So, what about you? Any items that are on your "forever lost" list?

Brought to you by the Number Four

Top Three Spring Break Events, by Jamie Bird

3. Tessa's first outing was to the Kalamazoo Air Museum.

As you can see, she stayed pretty far away from others.

You have to start somewhere, huh?

Little Miss Social, she loved being in the new surroundings.

Kayden took a friend along, and they spent hours riding the kiddie airplanes and hot air balloons. I enjoyed hearing them giggle as each ride began.

I am not going to lie, though. There is something about staying home all the time that I surely will miss.

Life is so much busier, even in the two weeks since given the "all clear to go in public".

2. Bryce-y Boy turned FOUR years old.





Four birthday parties later....we finally took the streamers down.

1. Easter Sunday- what a glorious day!

All day long, I praised God for the JOY these blessings bring to my life.









My apologies to our pastor/congregation, but I had to get a picture taken of Tessa's first time in church.



The Bird family at it's finest:-)

Ephesians 3:20

0%.

Against all odds.

Never going to happen, kiddo.

Now to him

who is able

to do immeasurably more

than all we ask or imagine

One year ago, I was lying in bed.

Feeling Tessa kick, not knowing if it was the last.

Listening to the thump-thump of her heartbeat, wondering how I would find the strength to make it through the next 24 weeks.

Crying, not quite understanding how to explain death to my kids when she was so very much alive to me.

Waking up every morning, having to realize over and over again that it wasn't all a bad dream.

On this one year anniversary of sorts, I thought it a might fine night to celebrate, eat a little Smashburger, and give my mom a gift to say "thank you".

So, I printed out Tessa's blog.

Not until it arrived did I realize what 263 pages looked like.

It's thick:-)

So many verses come to mind, but the verse I put on Tessa's first doll is still a special one to me.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

It encompassed this last year as God held my hand, showed me His faithfulness, and blessed me in a way I never imagined.

Naturally

It didn't take long, after we added Bryce to our family, that I found a new love....matching clothes.

I loved finding coordinating outfits for the boys and getting them all gussied up.

Still do.

They are almost to the point they no longer allow it. A few good arm twists are required lately for anything other than a sports jersey.

It got me thinking WHY I like matchy-matchy outfits so much....

Clearly, I come by it naturally.

SIDE NOTE:

Photo 3 cracks me up, as you can see my mom and dad in the shadow at the bottom.

In Photo 4, my brother Justin looks just like my niece, Alexis.

A new love

Thursday afternoon, Bryce found a new love. Hunting for treasure at garage sales.

He would jump out of the van and run ahead of me, yelling for me to catch up to behold the bounty.

I couldn't believe how long he hung in there- we were out scouring for deals for a few hours. I never did find the one thing I was looking for- cleats for Kayden.

Bryce found a ton of other goodies- a telescope, dinosaur, monster truck, pajamas, a robe, basketball, a new bat, hot wheels cars.

At every stop, he HAD to pick something out.

Thank goodness most things were paid for in change instead of dollar bills.

The final garage sale of the day, I found this:

which is cute, but probably not something I would buy. This coat was designed to go over a dress, and I much prefer a soft sweater since this is kind of stiff.

Until I checked the tag for size and found this goodie.....

Rogers Department Store....where Josh and I met almost 14 years ago.

I would say it $1 well spent:-)

Milestones

I think, because I am more worried about some sort of developmental delay, I get caught up in Tessa's progress...what words she is babbling, how fast she is sitting, rolling over, eating cereal, etc.

Just for comparison sake, I dusted off the old baby books to see when the boys reached their various milestones.

Tessa is almost the exact same size that Bryce was at two months. I do not remember him being that big of a baby!

As Natalie says, my kids all look the same "brand", huh?:-)